Remember that pain....
by White Crescent
Summary: Just a little fanfic inspired by a certain scene..... It's in Riou's [Suikoden II hero] POV. SPOILERS. Remember what happens when you choose to run away? This is about his thoughts in *that* scene ^_^;; R&R plz.


Disclaimer: Nah, okay… I don't own Riou or any of those cute, cute, super adorable… (Viktor: Hey!) Suikoden II chars… but anyway… bleh… Sq—err (*sweatdrop* wrong company…) Konami does….

Fast note: Hero = Riou | Castle = Galrea Castle | Army = Haemida Army

***

Remember that pain….

***

I ran out when I heard my sister shriek—I had expected to see zombies, lots of them… but, in their place stood the very people I ran away from; Shu, Flik, Apple……

To be honest, I felt like running away… but… I don't know whatever made me stay. I could have ran away…but I chose to stay.

"Lord Riou. Isn't this enough? You must know by now." I had my eyes fixed on Nanami then, worried…… and Shu's words struck me like.. like… a sword.

I slowly turned my face on him. I saw the seriousness in his face—It was… cold, yes… he looked like how he always did whenever he explained his strategies in the Great Hall back at the castle. He looked determined, with those eyebrows of his drawn together… However, there was something in his eyes… and the very tone of his voice that… that… was different… He actually… cared?

Of course he should… but… but…

"There are many people who need you…" he continued, keeping still from where he stood. 

I know people need me…. A lot of them.. but… 

I turned to my side and saw my sister, leaning on the wall, tired…… 

…But my sister needs me… I'm not that stupid… I can tell, everytime something came up… everytime I spoke to her…… She… didn't like this war. I'm not stupid! I know this is selfish…… but……

…My sister… she tries her best to..to… accept all this… You know what comes to mind? The time back at Tinto… before it fell… she… didn't want to say it…

But… she did….

My sister! It's always them… them…always me… What about Nanami? She lost Jowy! She lost… granpa… she's had a lot…… and yet… why don't they care for her like they do to me?

It's unfair, I know…I've got.. them… them to support me… but… what about my sister?

"…Please, come back to the Haemida Army." I heard Shu say. It was the end of his statement—And, they were waiting for me to answer.

My mind was screaming!_ I am NOT some hero from some book who would always say… 'Yes! OK! I understand…it's my job.. people need me…'_

I'm not some empty-minded hero… from a book… I'm a human… I'm not perfect… Why? Why do they expect this from me?…. Why?

I stared at my sister. Tired. So tired… It took a few minutes, but, my mind was made up. I was not coming back. What do they expect from a boy like me? I'm a boy! I'm just… a boy… An innocent.. innocent boy…

"No," I whispered at first, before raising my voice and clenching mu fist, "I won't go back!" I yelled, flailing my arm about.

I heard Flik's sigh, and saw him shaking his head at the corner of my eyesight. I must have sounded like a spoiled brat… but… I am a boy. I'm just a boy. Boys like me act like that. I'm weak……

I was avoiding Shu's face—I tried to avoid his face. I tried to avoid their faces. All these months… after agreeing to become their leader… I back out? Run away? …It must have been a big disappointment. To be honest, I know… this wasn't right, from the beginning… but… I did it for my sister…

…I felt guilty, and I knew the guilt would only worsen if I looked at them…..

Shu sighed, and that was enough to catch my attention. 

"It was the morning after you escaped. Neclord made a surprise attack on Tinto." He turned around and from what I could see of his back, he had lifted his face to the sky. "When the citizens were running around trying to escape, Viktor, Klaus, and Lord Ridley were fighting" he turned a round, and though he did not point his finger at me accusingly, I felt like a thousand fingers were pointing at me… "searching for you. During that battle…Lord Ridley died in that battle."

My eyes widened, and… it was like…… the feeling was unexplainable. Sir Ridley.. was dead? 

"He was such a great general…" Shu trailed away and left it at that. I was speechless… Memories of the events back at the Two River City haunted me at that very moment. Yes… Sir Ridley.. was a great general… 

He died… because of my selfish, foolish mistake?

"Ridley… he…" I quickly spun around and saw my sister, looking at me with glassen eyes. I… immediately felt.. even more guilty. I was.. stupid. I…I just made my sister… even more….

I should have… stood up for what I truly felt…no.. not truly felt.. for what was right! I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have…

I'm a stupid… stupid boy…

I was so occupied… that I did not see it coming. It was a sharp pain—Shu had slapped me. 

Instinctively, I raised a hand to clutch at my reddened cheek. Tears were forming around my eyes—and I looked at him with… with… respect.

At that moment… I might have looked like nothing more but a son, spanked by his father for doing something wrong. And I felt just like that. Only, the consequences…… the thing that had happened for my mistake wasn't just some old antique smashed into pieces… it was a life… lives…were taken away…

"Lord Riou," he began, "I've had it enough with lords. I'll take the penalty for that." he walked closer to me and stared into my eyes. His eyes were serious…his eyes.. actually resembled…our granpa's eyes… "But I want you to remember that pain. I don't want you to forget the people who believed in you."

……Remember the pain? To learn from my faults? …I forgot about the people who believed in me there… I know… Chaco, Lady Anabelle, Viktor, Flik…… everyone… And most of all; I forgot how my sister believed in me.

I bowed my head, and Shu must have understood why I did that. He walked away and then spoke; "Lord Riou, please come back to Crom Village," I heard footfalls, "Viktor and his men plan to dig into Tinto. If we hurry we'll make it." The footfalls stopped, "The battle isn't over yet."

..The battle isn't over yet… No… it isn't… I know… and I…

Flik had walked towards me, and I looked up to see his smiling face. At least… he was trying to smile, "Let's go Riou, we'll go with you to Crom Village."

Shu knew the answer… He knew I was going. Sometimes, I have to wonder why he couldn't be the leader. I…I don't have the brains like he does…… I'm just a boy… I may have this.. rune.. the Bright Shield Rune… but……

…I don't really know… but… then.. I promised to myself.

I promised that I would remember that pain, no matter what, when or how. And I promised myself to never give up… Never… as long as I remember that pain….

I walked over to Nanami then and helped her up, "Let's go sis, let's go to Crom Village."

She was sad. Tired; I know… and she quietly apologized to me; "I'm sorry…I'm sorry Riou. Ridley…He ended up like that." 

I knew my sister was guilty…. Moreover, I knew she was not too happy about that…my decision, again.

But…things take time. That's what I've learned. All of those time… I was nothing more but a boy…representing this army. Doing nothing more but fighting…fighting… and fighting. My goals weren't enough before. I know… "to end the war" may seem enough for most anyone. But, to me, I had treated it quite selfishly. Now…actually… it's not just "to end the war" anymore… It's… to… create a better place for all these people who believed in me.

I was just like a mindless hero from a book, then. But, I've learned things. And…I guess… I'm… not just a boy afterall—anymore.

***

Author's Notes: Yes, I know… it was lame and he sounded like Squall there *facepalm* This was inspired after choosing to try and escape this time 'round. I didn't really expect such wonderful scenes to follow that… However, I'm still sticking to the loyal part in my game.. (Yes, I'm boring, but I'm not allowing my Ridley to die!) I saved it though… so I can play with that for all I care.

Honestly, that choice seems to be the better choice… It actually shows a bit of normality with Riou. Come on, he's not that mindless! Sheesh… I almost died laughing when the option "OK……I understand" Came up there… Hey! Riou isn't THAT mindless! Choosing that means Riou is really an immature boy! Bleh! But anyway, that's just me. At that moment too, I think I know the reason there are some Riou/Shu doujinshis out there…… Actually though, they looked like a father/son thing there… honestly…… whoa! That interested me lots! Yes, I know I'm a bad fanfic writer… bear with me please… I'm just a Suikoden II fan…… By the way, what Viktor said there was neat too! I think I should write a fic about that…. ehm… I've ranted enough! Eh… I'm writing too much.. bleh… well… off I go!

~White Crescent


End file.
